Not only was I was a 40-year-old, single woman with no nipples, but since I had been married practically my whole adult life, I also had no experience in dating, not even in the real world. Let me clarify that statement by letting you know I am definitely not fearless in all things. My list of fears is long and runs the gamut of generic things (like spiders) to a more unusual things (like suddenly becoming allergic to hair dye).
But diving right into an online dating pool with a scarred, nipple-less chest — .
What a great idea Rob, I’m sure my roommate would love that too, oh and my mom, and most of all, I want a break while I go through chemo.” He said he didn’t mean it that way, but there was no recovering after that.
It felt like he was leaving me when I needed someone most.
If you think it’s hard to put yourself out there in the first place, try feeling like you are literally under cover: I was masking myself under the wig and hiding what I did during the day.
It wasn’t so much the break-up that bothered me, but the fear of being alone, ugly and sick.
I also learned that I had approximately 14 days until I would be bald from the chemotherapy, and there was nothing I could do about it.